melissa, so many good posts to how u're feeling. no pain, no gain. we need to work thru life with new coping skills. your T, sponsor and AA will give you the tools for this change to happen. there's a saying in AA."when should we go to a meeting? we need to go to a meeting when we want to, we need to go to a meeting when we don't". also set daily goals for yourself and do them regardless of how you don't want to do them. some suggestions: meeting each day if possible, continued therapy. get it all out by talking about how you are feeling and try out the replies here. i call it vomiting the painful stuff out.
your addiction is calling you. think about how far u've come and ignore the other. you can do it like many of us did. i believe in you. you're reaching out.