kids say some hurtful things at times, i am sure if you deemed it necessary you would have climbed a mountain to get her to er! kids will often try to milk it if they think they can get away with it, when you stand your ground and they dont win it makes them try new tactics, the guilt trip!! it is a common kids reaction, part of their learning that they can not fake things and get away with it and it is a learning curve for them in how to deal with their emotions, stand your ground, do not give in (unless you really think she needs to go) there is a well known saying 'daddy's girl, mummy's boy' fathers find it easier to dicipline boys and mothers girls because they were once one themselves, fathers tend not to understand(or not want to understand) girly emotions so run a mile! that leads to an unconcious guilt which is why men treat girls better than boys and visa versa. it could also be if hubby works he values his free time with your daughter and does not want to spoil it by arguing with her. whichever it is you need to have a conversation with him and lay down that for your daughters sake you need to show her you are united in any decisions made. if you say no it has to mean no. whatever is said stands and that is final! that is the only way she will learn her boundries, there will be stressful times along the way but once she learns what you say goes no matter how much she grumps or screams about it the sooner she will stop trying to milk things.
it is really hard working kids out but with persistance and consistency you will get t here xxx
ps try reminding her of the thing you do do for her, and if she wants your attention it is ok to say hold on i just need to finish.... because if i dont it will mean........ that sometimes helps kids to realise mum is not just sat at home all day waiting for them to come home from school that infact mums are very busy people with deadlines and demands put upon them like everyone else.