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Jan 07, 2011, 11:23 AM
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Member Since: May 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 1,309
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Rohag 
Thank you for your reply, that is so helpful. I will give that a go. I'm not usually the type to ignore the stack, so I'm expecting to just pick it up, open all of them at once and then be overwhelmed. I will try my best to sort into piles and go through bit by bit.
I'm feeling a little better today. I had a photo shoot with a wonderful photographer and he really made me shine and smile. I felt the colour flow back into my cheeks, especially when his dog leaped on me when I walked in the door. I absolutely adore animals and they always bring out the best in me, so thankfully to Monty (the dog), I did well in the shoot and wasn't distracted by last night.
What happened last night was that my fiance's ol;d 'friend' sent him a Birthday message at 1am basically saying:
"Happy Birthday hun, hope you have a great one. I'll send you a sexy pic to make you hard"
At first when I asked why he sighed, David wouldn't tell me. That's when I knew something was wrong. He told me and I got a bit miffed and upset as any woman would. I wasn't angry with him, I was with her though. She KNOWS we are engaged. I told him that if he'd said first off, I'd have not been so worried but him saying 'it doesn't matter, don't worry' and not telling me at first, made me feel like maybe there was something to hide. They've had a past of flirting and swapping pictures etc. David replied telling her basically where to go. He said to me...
"Honey, I wish she hadn't sent that. We've not spoken in almost a year so I don't get why she suddenly texts me now. She knows we're engaged, I don't understand it. I don't want anything to ruin what we have. I love you so much and I don't want to lose you because of some stupid cow who is embittered because I didn't choose her. I'm sorry"
I've accepted that, but it's hard to because like I said to him. My heart's felt that pain and that panicky feeling of 'oh God what's going on between them???' before and it felt that again when he told me what the message said. It's hard to just ignore that and move on when before I did ignore it and in the end found out there WAS something going on (this was in a past relationship). I trust David wholeheartedly but I don't trust women with him because I am insecure about myself not being good enough for him even though he tells me every single day that I am TOO good for him. I know that some women can be *****y little backstabbers who will do anything to get what they want.
As soon as Dave stopped replying to her she said "I'm happy for ya really I am, I don't love u or nuffin so dont worry. Im glad ur happy I never wanted u in that way anyway". Which made it just a little obvious that she's jealous and feels rejected and let down because he chose me and not her.
Urgh. But yes. I feel a lot better about it today. I got sleep, had this shoot, got told by the photographer and others how attractive/beautiful/sexy I am and how captivating my eyes and smile are, how I shouldn't hate my body, not even an inch of it because it's simply the symbol of perfection. Curves in all the right places, soft, clear skin and a slowly toning set of muscles 
I love my job as a model and have done exactly 20 shoots as of today. In teh space of 3 months. I am so pleased with what I have achieved. I'm a very lucky girl to be where I am. It just gets so tough sometimes 
Again, thank you for your help. It's been invaluable 
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