Thanks for the feedback everyone. I enjoyed reading the responses.

It seems that everyone is in a similar mindset about therapy, and I admit, it does sound nice to go back.
I was there for a period of maybe 6 months last year. I remember first going to the psychiatrist. He talked to me for about 30 mins, prescribed me a mood-stabilizer and sent me on my way. Then it took 2 months for a therapy appointment to come through. In the UK, mental health is on the NHS, it's a free service, but it's not exactly reliable.
My therapist was lovely, we talked for a few months and she was the one who diagnosed me with BPD. Then I got accepted into a program to work in Canada for a few months. That ended badly and I came home devastated, and just couldn't face coming back and telling her I failed. I haven't been back since.

I'll think about therapy, because you know what you're talking about. it would be the smart thing to do, a good starter option. And I'll start working on my list.
In fact I already have. it's my friend's birthday tonight and I offered to help set up the decorations beforehand. So I'm scooting off to do that shortly.
You people really do inspire me, and I hope it continues until the end of this bad patch.

I'm hopeful, but afraid, because I do try and socialize, I'm terrified of losing the people i cared about.
I just sit there in a circle of them and I say to myself, "well, here I am, but I still feel the same." I still feel that impending doom, that awkwardness, that shyness at being exposed.

I'll keep working at it.
Not drinking tonight because it's a big big trigger, I'd end up crying in a bathroom, puking and wailing. Not nice...
I'll come back later and let you know how it went.

Wish me luck