oops, hit a wrong button, so here I will be adding to that post what I meant to put in it!

Anyway, this is a basically a good story, but think I should still put a trigger warning here since I will mention something to do with SI ******

I got really triggered by an incident last week, a small one, but it brought out some nasty urge to punish myself, which I did...... So T and I had a very intense session last week, where I had to re-sign my safety contract. But the urges were so compelling this last week or so that I had to have an emergency session yesterday.....really not finding myself in a good place at all emotionally (and not happy about being so needy either....)
Anyway, since my emotions were so strong yesterday, my words really failed me....it is so hard for me to talk about my feelings when I am in the middle of them. I just wanted to cry....but words and tears both failed me.
So, T said, I have an idea, but it might seem silly....so she read a story to me! I'm not so familiar with Max Lucado, but he has written some spiritually based, inspirational stories....this one was called, You are special.
Basically about some wooden people called Wemmicks, who have a habit of assigning stars to other Wemmicks they think are wonderful or gray dots to ones they think are not, because they may have dents or scratched or peeling paint. So one Wemmick, Punchinello, is always getting gray dots and gets very sad about it. He meets another Wemmick named Lucia one day who has no dots.....her secret is that she visits her maker, Eli, every day. So Punchinello goes to meet Eli and is so scared of what Eli will think of his faults, flaws, his dots. But Eli picks him up, gently repairs him, tells him it really doesn't matter what how the other Wemmicks think of him; it matters most what his (Punchinello's) creator thinks of him, and his creator thinks he is special and loves him. And the gray dots begin to fall from Punchinello as he believes this......
So her point to me was that my creator loves me more than I can imagine, all of me, even every part that I think is so dark, ugly, flawed, worthy of punishment/rejection.....that I am special.
It did seem silly at first to have her read a children's book to me....but in the end, it was so comforting and healing. I couldn't cry, and I wish I could have, but yet I did feel helped and loved. So it was special.....and I thought I would share it.