Quote:
Originally Posted by anniepickle
I married an older man (16 years older to be exact). I love him dearly and don't want to think of life without him with me. It seems that our main problem is lack of intimacy in our relationship. Not just love making either. We seem to be floating though our marriage right now and I am having a really tough time not thinking of other men. I don't want to cheat on my husband. We have been to some therapy but in our small town it has been difficult to see our therapist together due to scheduling issues with us and her. He knows that I am frustrated and seems to avoid the conversation at all costs.
suggestions?...ideas?
thanks
angie
|
Hi Angie -
My husband is 7 yrs younger than me and that, as it turns out, is no guarantee of a happy sex life. Things were amazing in the beginning but he has an addiction issue and I have a trauma hx - neither hugely serious as some people have, but enough that eventually something surfaced in the marriage and we were not sexually intimate for a year.
Then it took probably another three or four years to start getting things back on track again - at first we didn't talk about it at all and then periodically after that first "reboot" year we would talk about wanting to add sex back into our relationship - on all other fronts things were great - we were really good friends, good companions, loved each other dearly, lots of hugs and kisses, just not very much sex.
In the past couple years, things started to get pretty darn good again. We felt more relaxed with each other and I know that I really desired him and I think he desired me as well, but then all of a sudden at the beginning of this year, he stopped being able to orgasm and after that he stopped wanting to have sex completely.
Very frustrating for me b/c I wanted him more than ever. I now realize that was probably one of the early signs of his now quite severe depression.
He's only 43 and I am 50 now. I feel like we were just finally getting a fully rounded marriage again and he suddenly changed his mind or something (yes I realize he's depressed) but's also withdrawn basically all other affection as well.
I figure it will be at least a year before he is well again as he has only just started treatment - one of my big questions is will he love me again?
I think every marriage has some sort of major issue/cross to bear. "They" say that withdrawal of intimacy is merely symptomatic of some bigger issue in the relationship. For my experience, I'd have to agree with that at this point in my marriage (10 1/2 yrs in).
I really hope you can get some help in therapy so that the two of you can reconnect - maybe it's as someone else posted and it's a physical issue that he's afraid to talk about b/c he's afraid of losing you, his beloved and much younger bride - Good luck to you.
SS