on and off for about five years i couldnt leave the house on my own, so i was basically a recluse. i went to the shops about once a week tops with my mum and that was bad enough on my own no way.my fear was human beings in general, i thought everone one was plotting against me. i felt like i was some kind of alien (still do sometimes). a couple of months back, not long after i found this place i went out to the shops on my own for the first and it is quite along walk (about 15 mins each way)and i payed for it it was definitly too much too soon got pains in the chest i was sweating felt like i was having a heart attack (bear in mind im in pretty good shape it was purely in the mind)i felt like just collapsing on to the ground. when i finally made it home i felt real bad i went to bed feeling really ill and paranoid thoughts were coming telling me ' i told its horrible out there' etc. a couple of days after that i tried again , but this time just a 5 minute walk around the block. it was bad but luckly the physical symptoms of anxiety were only just creeping in when i made it back home. i could deal with it though i knew my limit so i kept it up each day and it did get easier and easier and i was finally able to take my little brother to school for the first time in a long while. this was cool because it helped my mum out who has really supported me through the years.
i can now walk to town by myself no problems and get the bus for appointments at the hospital. i still have a long way to go though, i still dont know how to deal with the everyday things like money, bills etc. and i really want to get a job.but one thing i know is its best to take things slow when facing your fears, dont be too hard on your self baby steps as my friend calls it. i think we all have fears that may seem irrational to others, but we all know fear and it isnt very nice. facing them feels good though.i also believe there is no such thing as independance. it can be hard to accept, but it is true.