bless your heart with my oldest child i was messed up & her grandma raised her with my 3yr old i struggled but i finally quit there is much guilt & shame like after i would get high & go upstairs & watch her sleeping it was awful my oldest one resents me & is angry becuz im here for Lil but was not for her i can only speak 4 myself i dunno its like i know people with kids who keep gettin high like they dont care but thats looking from the outside i always hear that "it seems like they would stop 4 the kids" the sad reality is addiction is so strong & u have to wanna stop for nothing or noone except yourself if someone just quits for other reasons chances r they will go back. i know what u mean cuz my husband still wont quit drinking but when he has quit before hes a very good dad but being with him so long i can always tell theres that oohhh how i would love to drink i myself didnt have parents who used or drank so i dont know what its like i cant remember if u said u dont know where he is but i guess try writing a detailed from your heart letter that covers all bases just so he knows all your feelings hurt desires write it regardless im not a t or anything just sharing my thoughts i know u have probably got this over & over but have u tried seeing a therapist i know easier said than done cuz its not cheap mine is a Christian t & i dont wanna think about the bill ive racked up with him he cares enuff to not let the money part get the best of him pm me anytime