i'm sorry you are experiencing these conflicts of emotions. my comments are in red to your questions.
wanted to ask - where does a children's love fit into an addiction? Can a child love you enough to make you stop? NO, but it may help motivate the person to seek help. the addict/alcoholic must want it for themselves. that's the primary way it works to get clean and sober. If a child loved you enough, would you not leave them? not if they are in active addiction. the stinkin' thinkin' causes one to make bad choices. they place their addiction first above all else.Does a parent think of a child when getting high? can't say that was on my mind. i have 2 sons. If you have any of your own stories about being the child of an addicted parent or addicted person with a child one of my sons, 18 at the time, got on his knees, was crying and begged me to stop drinking. i didn't pause from drinking my scotch while he was there. not proud of that today. i'm 20 years sober and each day i'm sober is making amends to him., please share  I'd just really like to hear some coping skills or other stories on someone who can relate. i'd like to suggest you go to ACOA, AL-ANON or similar programs affiliated with narcotics anonymous. you will find so much spport and ppl that are dealing with the same feelings as you. just google them to find meetings near you, free for the taking.
hope you'll keep posting. you can get better even if your dad doesn't. i hope he will get better but it's his choice.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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