I just read what you posted about not being able to break from this guy. You don't understand why you are attracted to older men. I was the same as you. I finally got therapy during this abusive relationship and realized it had to do with my relationship with my own father. I craved attention from older men because I didn't get that need for a close relationship with my father as a child. I don't know if any of that fits but I'm telling you that if you are in a relationship that from a distance you can't end just imagine how hard it is once you have invested yourself further. It would be so good to see a therapist even for one visit and share these posts and get some professional advice. You are an open person willing to listen to other people's opinions of your situation which is a very positive and mature way to be. I only wish I had done the same.