I want to explain everything to myself in writing, so I guess I'll just begin rambling here, if that's ok.... I just feel so much emotion right now, so much left for interpretation since I have no idea what it means. I feel like I want to say everything at once but there's something standing in my way...I just want to write it down. I want to make sense of it all. So much sadness, so much guilt for feeling sad. It's due to the books I read, the stuff I'm interested in - memoirs of those dealing with psychiatric issues and my poems and letters in reaction to those stories. There's so much emotion behind this and I feel that nothing short of psychoanalysis will begin to uncover it all. I'm sorry for rambling...I just desperately want to make sense of this, to get it out in the open in a place of anonymity. Can someone help me? Tomorrow's therapy session I hope should be interesting. There's so much more to what I'm feeling than this short little paragraph but this is as much as I can put into words at the moment.

If it means anything, the book I'm reading now is called "wasted" by Marya Hornbacher.