((((((((((Christina)))))))))))

I know exactly what you go through.
You are not your worst enemy,. It may SEEM as tough you are. But you see - you say that now you are ruined. The truth is that you were ruined all that time because of all those things that you are AWARE of right now - but you did not experience them consciously.

You know - it is like a room that you enter and there there are lots of things. Suppose there is a TV a pile of books, 2 sculptures. You may focuses on the TV or the cultures and NOT notice the books. Not see them. But the fact you did not focus on them does not mean they did not exist.

I guess it hurts you more than you expected. I have triggered myself a lot. I have wrote depressed and tried to figure out. You know - THE SIMPLE TRUTH is important! So its ok because it is out life.

I know how much this sucks and if you don`t feel like meditating - i can identify with poetgirl - try to express it in writing or any other way of expression - it can help you more, than trying to distract yourself. Because this is the deep truth and in the end this matters. It matters a lot it has a lot of influence on our lives in general.