hi indie  , first and formost i'd stop reading that kind of book. they seem to trigger you. i don't watch much news cause it does the same to me.
however please be kinder to your self re guilt. you just need help to vent irl. seeing your T should definitely help. start anywhere you feel more comfortable/safer with your T. i'd also print out your post cause it may give your T insight. hope this may help.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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