You will survive this, Christina, and you know you will. I know full well how this kind of thing can impact on trust, which trust issues in turn can impact on therapy. But do you really believe she's doing this to be mean? To be nasty? If I were in your shoes I'd either email or call her this weekend, today (Saturday) and let her know in plain English that it's very important that she see you this coming week and not the following one. It's possible that you'll feel a bit better after sending such a communication.

Words, words, words. So your T didn't choose the right ones on this occasion. Of course the therapy is for you and you control the topic of discussion. She used the wrong word. That's all.

Quote:

Yes, I'm a very ridiculous woman and my own worst enemy most of the time.

You know you're not a very ridiculous woman and no one would even dream of thinking of you in that way. But to me it smells like shame. Try this, from developmental psych: "As development proceeds, the demand for reciprocity has become more defined: when the infant notices that he does not meet the mother's gaze which he had taken for granted, he is ashamed of his false expectation." Think transference.

As far as concerns your being your own worst enemy, I would bet serious money on that being true for every single one of us. Every single one.

You can USE your feelings now, and all of your reactions to T, very specifically including your present, emotionally hard times, to explore yourself and gain useful knowledge and insight. Yes, I know it hurts, and it'll be great when it's over, but you can put it to use, which may at least pull your attention away from your hurt. But I'm sure you already know every single word I'm writing here. Take care!