Hello - thank you all for your words of advice and encouragement. Firstly id like to reply to the comment above, my husband has never come out and say I was not good enough for him ,its his actions that speak volumes to me. I have tried. Many times to help him out, he neglects me and our marriage due to his addiction to pornography . At first I taught it was me not making enough of an effort , he would rarely look for intimate times , and i taught maybe he found me too unattractive ,or something. This has had an awful effect on my self esteem and has left me feeling like I'm not worth him. It was only after. Realised he was so into the porn side of things that things fell into place. He would spend hours on the internet when i was out at work , i confronted him about the porn and the lack of intimacy in our marriage . He swore he would try to keep away from porn. It was all going well or so i taught , he had gotten a new phone and my instinct starting telling me that something was wrong again. So. Asked him and after denying it ,he admitted that he was indeed looking a. The phone at work looking at porn . He gets upsets when i confront him about this and goes as far as taking pills and throwing them all back up again. I don't believe he does this as in to commit suicide but more to make me feel sorry for him . I'm not sure if this makes sense or not. When i had mentioned about us going to my family for Christmas he was kind of oh yeah maybe. But then told his parents we would be at theirs for Christmas , when i said it to him about my family he said i made him so angry that he wanted to do bad things to me this is not like him can i say. Trust him not to do anything to me. I am sorry for going on again !