I am so glad that I was finally able to share this with someone and they did not think I was just plain out of my mind! I don't really portray a countenance of an angry woman, so I am sure it would freak people out to read something like this.

The story of Jesus and what he did in the temple was brought up by my T. She was telling me that same thing about anger. It is not wrong to be angry. It doesn't mean you are not 'right' spiritually, or that you are possessed by the devil!

Of course, I know these things, but sometimes I get that strange feeling that maybe I am just not 'right' in the head or something. Having found this forum to vent, share, listen, etc.....has been so refreshing for me. I now know that I am not alone in this, and that just because you are educated, intelligent, nice, and a Christian does not mean that you are not going to experience emotions like this.

I don't have a quick temper at all. I rarely even show anger that much. Well, maybe my husband would argue with that! But, all in all, I am not an quick-tempered, angry person. I try to keep the peace at all cost!

I do NOT like confrontation and shy away from it as much as possible. My T says that I need to work on this. She is not implying that I need to pick a fight when I confront someone, but that I need to stand up for myself and not allow others to intimidate me.

Now I am sounding like a whimp, and that does not describe me at all. Most people would describe me as plain spoken, strong, professional, friendly ~ but somewhat distant at times (this is probably when the depressive part of BP is going on), and someone who has her act together.

Okay, so T asks me why I cannot accept those as good qualities and stop dwelling on all the things I am not. This is where that blasted head-knowledge self vs emotional self (one of my other posts). We are not to allow our emotions to overpower us or dominate our rational thinking, but we need to allow ourselves to experience them when they arise. Learning how to express them and feeling like it is okay is what I am working on.

Getting a punching bag would be a good thing for me. It would sure save a ton of money and jail time should I ever opt for the bashing out car windows with a baseball bat! It would also save me $1000+ if I ever chose to act out the stab holes in my mattress and rip it to shreds!

One more thing that I think about when I get in that weird mood? I wonder what it would feel like to slap the crap out of few people!