Ah distressed, at some point, that is life. When it comes to certain things, all of us have somethings that we will never have "done". they will be things that will always be things in progress. I have my wicked temper and my bloodthirst- yes, you read correctly, not to mention my own weight issues that i will have to keep working on all my life. Coming at all of them through impulse control, my psychiatric and my spiritual issues have done wonders, and I have found ways that help me maintain involvement that I for the most point enjoy. That's two things to remember. You have to accept that this is a long term issue, and find a way to handle it that you can enjoy, which makes returning to the program easier to return to if you fall off the horse.

I notice you are already anticipating the maintanance as a long stay in purgatory, right? Is it helping? Not meaning to be mean, just trying to help you turn the thinking around a bit.