I think the concern I would have is that he lied and made you question yourself.
Our emotions serve a purpose - usually when we are so overwhelmed (as you are) and feel so much pain, anger, sadness and hurt - its a good sign that something is very wrong and that we need to protect ourselves.
He sounds abusive to me. Especially because he made you doubt yourself and all along he is still talking to her. What about your feelings....
He has to accept he has made a huge mistake and all your feelings, he has to re- earn your trust and explore with you why he cheated on the first place and then see if you can work through this together.
Do you want to forgive him? can you forgive him? is the future going to be different?
If I may comment about this:
Quote:
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I am so full of rage and hate now that small things make me mad or very deppressed. My emotions are not right. I try to be the perfect wife, but now sometimes I get so mad at him for something stupid. Its like I dont care if I make him feel bad or hurt his feelings anymore. Im living in fear that something else bad is going to happen.
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This is a classic reaction when abuse occures.
Just remember that your feelings ARE RIGHT! And that you do not need to try hard.
Maybe be useful to speak to a counsellor about this?
I am sending you warm hugs. Remember you have done nothing to deserve this and its not your fault x