Troy,

It is not surrender to your enemy, but embracing it. Counterintuitive for a soldier? I can only imagine

This is not weakness, but incredible strength. The Dark, all things that plague you in the night, is VERY strong. It will fight to stay Dark. It will haunt you and cripple you. It will make you cringe in terror. It will make you doubt yourself. The Dark does not want to be in the Light.

But Dark must exist with Light as day must exist with night and love must exist with hate. It is not about ridding oneself of the Dark, but balancing it with the Light. Finding the balance will be very painful, but also liberating. In my experience, embracing the Dark and acknowledging its existence, was the first step to introducing the Light. Forgiveness of the Dark then comes, and moments of pure joy will follow.

If you cry, you cry. If you need your weapon close to you then so be it, for your weapon brings you comfort. Do not question your instincts, but more "love" them, for the Dark is but your instinct to survive, and it is important. It is just out of balance with peace, but it will come. If it gets unbearable, talk to the Dark. Tell it that you know that it is there, and you love it, but you will not bend to its' extremes.

I hope that helps, dear one. You are loved.

Michah