not sure if you posted in this forum because you are a recovering addict/or alcoholic or are neither. for those of us who have one or both conditions, "one is too many and a thousand is not enough." another saying, "if we drink or use to gain a feeling or get rid of a feeling we probably have a problem." you mentioned the words "more!", "feels great!", "so happy and numb".
there are those of us that switch one addiction for another denying to ourselves that the "new" use isn't the same as the "old" use.

does any of this describe you? can you perhaps identify with anything i've responded? idk.
how do i stay away from a drug or drink? total abstinence and AA. has worked for me for many years. had to pay a bitter price to gain my freedom from addiction. never want to go back there again.