{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mom Tomi}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

The failure is not everywhere I turn - just within myself. That I see and feel very well.

I'm sorry you feel helpless, that makes me feel bad. Yes, I have the power and choice to turn around - if I felt strong enough and thought that maybe I wasn't such a failure, it might be different. You can't change how ugly I have become on the outside - it only emphasizes my failings.

One day last week when I was really upset, I called my District Manager and just cried on the phone to him......about home, finances, how I had needed to get a second job, etc.
Yesterday, he sat down with me, told me that he has such plans for me and that I shouldn't get another job - it would wind up affecting my job performance there.....very true. He then gave me a $4,000/year raise effective within the next two pay periods. My only thought was.......too late.........

My inner child is so tired, so scared, and so hurt physically and mentally. I can't pacify her anymore or make the pain stop for long periods. It reminds me of when my second husband used to hurt me so badly that I would actually curl up in the fetal position in the closet, in the corner, and just stay for hours at a time afterwards.

I'm so tired of her tears and distress.......

You bring a smile to my face every time you say such nice things to me in a PM or here........thank you.