wow its so comforting to see u guys share your stories splitimage i pray the best 4 u & 4 all of u & your families. i know the pain of not wanting to quit no matter what or who. while my pawpaw was dying of cancer he put up a brave 3 year fight & i chose to stay in my bottle instead of going to see him. i can remember coming home from work & he would be standing on the porch watching me go by & my mom telling me it bothered him hurt him so much that i would just drive by like i didnt care. the truth was i cared sooo much but just wanted to drink into oblivion. looking back now maybe he wouldnt have cared if i went to visit him wreaking of booze he had once told my mom he thought i had the same problem as my brother this was over 10 years ago when my youngest was a baby & it still hurts to know i hurt him & others my oldest didnt get the best treatment by me when she was young but i pray all the time God will heal her wounds i pray i dont ever see my girls get into addiction i see people i went to school with that i guess have been going strong with addiction ever since they started & were so young healthy & fresh in yearbooks but now look like someone has wrung them out like a wet rag not to mention the dark places u go all Glory Praise & Honor be to God im not chained to the bottle or crack pipe anymore!