This Xmas was the first time in 12 years that we have not seen nor spoken to my son beforehand, it took until new years day for him to email us to ask if we were ok. we were not very happy.

we took him "wild" camping again this year in october, wild to him is sleeping just outside of a town on a hill in Wales, wild to me is the back of beyond, the only compromise we reached was that we didnt pay to camp so that the money could be spent on activities, like a day out sea fishing of the coast of Ireland for tope (small shark). would have been cheaper to buy the bloody boat.

on the last night of our 3 day trip all was well until we asked him to put the topsheet on a two man tent and secure it for the night whilst we made a hot drink, that is when the proverbial excrement hit the fan, and a total mindf..k ensued, we got the blame for not ever going to see him in a school play, for not allowing him to have sleep overs at the place where we live, emotional abandonment ect and we felt no guilt at all. the 8 hour train ride back the following day to give him back to his mom in one piece was fun. we parted without even speaking.

we told our son that the reason we had never seen him in a school play was because 1 we had never been told about them and 2 we never had been asked to attend any, and that went the same for school sports as well, that it wasnt my fault that 12 years after divorcing his mom she still hated me and didnt want us to participate in his life in any guise, and that we had had to be relentlessly persistent for the best part of a decade using nought but irrefutable logic and reasoning/pleading just to be able to see him for 3-4 hours at a time for maybe 4-5 days over a 12 month period (not including the 3 full days when we were camping) and that did he not think this was hurting us has well after a decade?

we have been staying in temporary mental health shared housing for over a decade now, we dont want to be here but have no choice, there is no way we would ever have him sleep over at ours it is just too dangerous, he doesnt understand our reasons but then he is only 12.

we sold one of our laptops for 2010 xmas to buy him a new in the box netbook so that he could email us at any time last year should he want to speak to us about anything, he sent a total of 10 emails threwout the whole year, and they were all "look at my highest online score" type garbage, nothing about school plays or sports days, nothing in which we could respond with help or advice and then he lays the mindfu.k on us whilst camping.

we sent him an email beginning of november telling him we had been in a motorbike crash, that we were not seriously hurt but we were unable to walk at this time after the bike had somersaulted end over end and had landed on our lower legs, nothing was broken just badly bruised, we also smashed up our right shoulder when it went threw the rear quarter passenger side window and other various injuries but basically we would live and not to worry. he didnt reply.

we were bedridden for about 10 days, no one came to help us because there is no one, we dont do friends and we have no family other than our son, the rest of november we waited for a response from him nothing, then december came and went, still nothing until new years day when we received a email saying why did i not contact him? we went postal.

we told him we would never see him again, never speak to him again and to basically f..k off and never contact us again, an email was sent back saying that was not very nice, he had deleted the email, and that if we wanted to try again we should, only it wasnt him that had sent the email, it had been his mom she has been filtering/reading his emails and thought that mine had been inappropriate that also let us know that she had been aware of the bike crash and had not told my son.

so now we are in the position that we will not speak to our son, for his own good we have cut him out of our life, problem is this even though we didnt want to do it, who would?, it had to be done.

hence why we is back on this site.

incase your wondering we are rapid cycling bp2 and DID and severely emotionally disturbed amounst other things, relationships dont work for us, they never have and we've lost the will to continue fighting to see our son.

your probably wondering why we had not emailed him first over xmas, we told him whilst traveling back to his moms that if he wanted to speak or see me again he should send us an email and that we wouldnt contact him again until he emailed us first, we kept to our word even though it near killed us