I don't have any great opinion for you. It seems like you're taking all the right steps: seeing a T, and a Pdoc, hospitalizing yourself for suicidal ideation. I know it's hard but just keep trying. Perhaps you're not on the right medication or medication combination? If you're still that depressed and taking a mood stabilizer than it sounds like you need a medication adjustment. I just wanted to make sure you knew someone's "listening."