Thanks for the thoughts, guys. My T gave me a book suggestion, the bipolar handbook, and i bought it on amazon; should be here in time for our bi-weekly session, i also ordered "an unquiet mind" to read.

do BPII people have depression more often then hypomania? i mean, the one thing i love about hypomania is the euphoria; although the rest of it is some intense stuff for sure. at least for me. it's the cycles that drive me insane to be honest. one week i'm high, the next i'm down for months it seems. even though my best friend told me she was diagnosed when she was a teen with the same thing, but rather mum about how she feels; she does have someone elese in her life though.

I'm sure yall can relate to having "normal" moods, and loving every second of it knowing it won't last. i hate rapid cycle bp.

i just started on lithum 900mg/daily (1 300mg mornings, 2 300mg night) last week, so i guess "it's too soon" to see benefit. so i am not sure if i want to go off now in the beginning. but i don't see much of a diff right now as when i was off meds.

the pdoc had me try ability, xyprexa, and seroquel in the span of about 4 weeks, and they were all wrong for me. the ability was making me feel like ****, and the xyprexa gave me 20lbs in 1 week to live with, and the seroquel was just... not working; making me suicidally depressed. i did make the right desision to hospitalise my self... it's not that.

it's that people just don't seem to ever understand me, or can relate in any way. the highs and lows, and mixed are driving my life, and i just want to live my life, and find the things that find me joy instead of feeling like i see no point in ever finding joy in the world.