I have been waiting my whole adult life for things to get better. They don't. I fight so hard to get where people love and care for me...only for them to use me and dump me the first chance they get. I have no real friends who want me.

My life is a hopeless mess of bills. It doesn't matter what I do it never gets better. I finally get ahead and my husband's salary gets cut AGAIN. I always wanted two kids but with the last cuts there is no way for me to ever afford it. I am 35 and don't have that much time left!

I probably shouldn't have more kids anyway. I don't know how to find things like playgroups and the such. My little girl is 2 years old today and I am sitting here sobbing that I can't teach her how to have a happy life full of friends. She is the sweetest most outgoing baby and I fake it so that she doesn't know mama is a loser. I would do anything to keep her from having the life I have had. I love taking her out to play and spoiling her rotten. She is a good kid and never acts very bratty. She is well adjusted so far according to pediatrician, etc.

Bipolar stole any hope I had of a successful education and career. I always thought that at least I would have success to amend the abyss of loneliness my life is...but I have nothing. There is just pain. It doesn't help that the hospital I work for is an inconsistent mess. I want a new job but there is nothing available on day shift in the entire area. My bipolar gets out of control working nights.

I wish I had never had any hope. It's easier when you don't know hope. Why did people ever say it could be better?