Yep, I get exactly what you mean. It feels counterintuitive to accept it, when we have done wrong. I have done many shameful things in my past, and I have had shame exacted upon me(told I was stupid, weird, unacceptable and so on).......

So, for me the way to accept shame was to forgive. Forgive myself and others......and ask for forgiveness. For my shame comes from my deep loathing and fear of my humanity. The part that makes me feel. I could never express what others felt. I could never express what I felt, and so I became ashamed. Even as a child, I wanted to be a robot, or a Vulcan like Spock and live with logic, the Known. I could not understand why others did not want to live like I did, and they made me feel ashamed for my difference.

I was also ashamed because I closeted and held close those emotions that others had. I wanted to feel like they did, I just didn't know how. And so I exacted shame upon myself for my failures. I still don't really grasp it, and I probably never will, but I feel more moments of joy and less shame as time goes on, because I accepted it.

Forgiveness goes a long way in accepting shame. Forgiveness makes shame, less shameful. This is just some of my own musings on this very difficult and endearing journey.

Take care,

Michah