I think I understand. My Dad is gay, too. He was 40 when he had me, and still hadn't come out yet. Then a couple of years after I'm born, he splits. Great timing, huh? He didn't come out to me as gay until I was 11. Pretty dishonest and messy. I guess most people are messy. Dunno.

The drugs and everything sounds like there was a lot of chaos for you growing up and that can be scary and really mess with you.

I, too, have trust issues from the way I grew up. Lots of secrets in my family. Not only my dad being gay, but my stepdad had a secret son h hid from us too.

Visits with my dad were always super awkward as well.

One way to think of it is he is in pain or self hatred for who he really is and that's why he hides himself from people. It doesn't make it any better for our young selves, but maybe it can help now to understand where the behavior stems from.

Well, I want to wish you well. I really hope you heal from all of that in your past, and your boyfriend understands.

Sorry if I talked to much about myself. Don't want to diminish but share and show you you aren't alone.

Alias