(((Amazon))) we all go through hard an difficult times. I hope you are able to make some headway when you see your T.
You know this is just an episode and a short time period, which will pass.
Having stopped meds suddenly will also not have helped much.

I also sometimes wish I could join a church, by it's definitely not something my partner would do, and I'm too 'scared' (Is that the emotion?) to go on my own. I get my fix through daily devotional emails and some friends I mail.