cherry i once had the same problem. my sponsor in AA suggested i pray for the willingness to let God back into my life. it worked!
as for the other things u mentioned perhaps you could work on those feelings in therapy. i had a sack on my back for many years and therapy slowly gave me tools and life skills to enable me to deal with those thibgs in a healthy way regardless of what had occured in my life. my T told me, feelings are not facts. however we worked oin those feelings to enable me to cope better. it really helped.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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