It's very hard to do! You seem to be adept at identifying her moods, that's a great first step. Doing what's good for her vs yourself is being a good parent. I try to drop everything I'm doing and talk when my kids come to me. When they keep their distance, i make sure I say "I love you" every day. Regardless of the response I get, I believe that those words are engraved on their hearts and they know they can come to me when they are ready to talk.