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You sound a little obsessed about this guy. He's a married man and does not belong to you. He is not your boyfriend - not even close. If you can't be a friend to him without thinking about him all the time, I would advise you to be cordial but break it off with him. Falling in love with each other is not an option for you.
It's possible he and his wife discussed the role you play in their marriage. You are not their daughter, and you are not a second wife. You can prove this to the wife by not obsessing over everything he says and does - out loud or in private. Everything he says and does "belongs" to her - not you. He can prove his loyalty to his wife by not treating you like a daughter or second wife, or even close personal friend - which could make her suspicious.
If you think he's sending hidden messages of flirtation, you can tell him "You are a married man. Out of respect for your wife, maybe we should keep our distance." When you associate with them as a couple, keep your focus on your friend...his wife.
That's how I see the situation.
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