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Originally Posted by dez_sarg
I am 25 and my husband is 23. We have only been married for 2 years and we were "the perfect couple". Everyone wanted what we had.
In October my husband "accedently" cheated on me with a woman that he works with. Of course he did not come out and tell me this. I found out from the husband of the other woman in a FaceBook message. At first he denied it and said it was just someone messing with me even after I found a few text messages on his phone saying "we got caught at work". He denied it for about 2 weeks and said that if I didnt trust him then we shouldnt be together. I was almost convinced that I was the crazy one and that he was really telling the truth. I was going crazy not knowing the REAL truth and had a felling that he was lying, so I asked the other woman.
I sent her a message using FaceBook and a fake name and I finally found out the truth. This was like a slap in the face...my world fell apart and everything that I thought was pure and true was a lie. Of course she told my husband that I knew and he freaked out. He said it would have been easier if I didnt know (HA). I wasnt even that mad when I found out, I didnt want to leave or anything. I just wanted him to know that I knew. Then after he explained what happened....my heart crumbled into a million little pieces that havent found their way back yet.
He told me that the woman works in the office and he talks to her once and a while and has seen her when he goes to the office. He said that she was flirting with him and that she started it. He said that he was in the copy room and she came in and just started kissing his neck and taking his paints off. He said that they started to have sex, but he couldnt do it and felt bad so he stopped and they left the room. They talked about how they couldnt let anyone find out.
And what makes me really mad, is that he still has to talk to her because they work together. I see calls from her on his phone and it makes me want to puke. I have so much hate for this woman....I have never felt this way in my life and I dont like it.
He told me that it was a mistake and he regreted it and that it would never happen again.
I am so full of rage and hate now that small things make me mad or very deppressed. My emotions are not right. I try to be the perfect wife, but now sometimes I get so mad at him for something stupid. Its like I dont care if I make him feel bad or hurt his feelings anymore. Im living in fear that something else bad is going to happen.
I dont know how to trust him now. We agreed that we could work through it and it will just "make us stronger", but I dont know if it will be the same or if I can love him like I used to.  I want us to work, but I dont know how to forgive him and stop thinking about that day. I wish I had a memory erasor.
Has anyone ever forgave their husband/wife for cheating and it actually worked???? CAN I STILL LOVE HIM? |
My husband did the same 7 years ago. He gave up drinking alchohol and started an affair with a friend of mine two months later. I smelt perfume on his jersey and he said that I was being ridiculous. Two months down the line I caught him on the phone to her and a text message. I was devastated. Of course I was more than willing to just project all my blame and resentment towards hear and more than willing to listen to his feebles excuses that she came onto him. We went to couples counselling for a year and he showed remorse and a willingness to make our relationship work. 7 years down the line I caught him having sex with my cousin's daughter in our home. Double devastation. I was very fond of the girl and we were very close. I do not know what to think anymore. The only good thing to come out of all of this is that it has got my husband into rehab. (for his alcoholism). He has unleashed all sorts of ghastly confessions to me while in rehab and admits that he just wanted to hurt and destroy me. He is in his third month there and now the counsellor thinks that he is Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Histrionic. Will be seeing a phsychiatrist soon. I have PTSD from the trauma of his behaviour. The future does not look good and I am searching for hope and the silver lining. Good luck and know that only time heals the wounds as the memory fades and you eventually begin to trust again...I sincerely hope that your husband does not have all the problems that mine has and can be genuinely remorseful and learn from his mistakes. Take care.