Thank you Petunia.

I just had a phone call which has given me something more to hang on to - even if it is only a small thing. A counsellor I saw through work (she is part of the Occupational Health service for my employers) called. Her supervisor had contacted her following hy head teacher's call to occupational health. Ling Ling was very supportive and helpful when I saw her back in the summer - I only stopped seeing her because the chance came up to see ruth again, and I have worked with ruth before. Anyway, Ling Ling was calling to ask my permission for Occupational Health to contact my GP, and also to ask if I would be prepared to meet with occupational health for them to assess me in order to try to put pressure on the mental health services. I talked to her about where I am now. She was (as everyone seems to have been) horrified. She had a couple of suggestions, such as contacting my MP. The main reason I feel hopeful, however, is that she has said it is fine for me to call her if I just need to talk to someone - not to replace ruth, just if I am in a crisis and need someone to talk to. She said to tell ruth but that it wouldn't be a problem. She also said that ruth is very respected as a good counsellor, so that was good to hear at the moment when I am not sure where to turn. She told me I have been proactive and that I have been very determined and encouraged me to keep going. It just helped so much to talk to someone about how I am feeling. Ruth doesn't really offer crisis support - it's not part of her role - and I have felt very lost at times. To know I can phone Ling Ling if I need to is a real help, and to know that Occupational Health are going to try to help is also a source of some hope. She did say nothing is likely to happen before Christmas - but, as I told her, I was not expecting to see anyone immediately from psychotherapy - I just want to be put on the waiting list.
Thanks for reading and responding, Petunia and everyone else. It helps to be able to get some of my feelings out.
C