Simply put:

-Pretend you are a person trying to improve your life. You have admitted to mistakes, tried to take responsibility, and are also learning about your issues so that you can finally be proactive and feel better.

-Now, pretend that you live with a person who is in denial of his/her problems, things that create problems for the two of you.

What I want to know is this:

Does anyone have advice on how you can actually stay focused on yourself in a positive way, AND still have a good relationship with someone who is pissing you off because he/she isn't making steps to improve things?

I hear over and over again that you can't control another person's actions and decisions- that whole acceptance thing. When I am feeling weak and depressed, none of it matters to me, but when I am feeling better, I have a hard time not being angry. We have such a long history of me being the one "with issues", of the focus being on me, and I have just let that happen. (BTW, we are talking 25 years together)

I am not going to leave this man, though I have certainly thought about it. I know that I am making choices that I need to live with. I know that I need to find other things than him to occupy my time and energy.

But how do I do this AND still accept him enough to make things good between us?

As usual, I am already imagining the repsponses I will get. And I completely understand why people may say certain things. I guess this really comes down to the basic:

How do you accept the faults of someone you love without being bitter.. how do you ignore things that are a problem for you, but the other person doesn't see them as problems? Since I have said that I am not leaving, I guess I am just looking for practical strategies to help me so that I can stay focused on feeling better and not get dragged down by this.

What happens when one out of two people decides that they want their lives to change and the other one wants things to stay the same?

(Oh, well maybe that wasn't so simply stated after all!)

And I just want to add this:
For so long I have accepted less because I thought I deserved less and haven't pushed for more because it was all so comfortable.. But when I look to the future- making progress/change, I know it will shake things up but I still don't want to lose that familiarity..? Get it!?