You know I really appreciate the insight and suggestions and encouragement. Things just are not getting easier and I find myself struggling with what is reality. Daughter is having health concerns but it is hard to distinguish between a real problem and teenage drama. She has her dad wrapped around her little finger and it is beginning to add to the strain of our relationship. And working as a long-term sub with teens with autism is no easy task. I came home and took a nap today but felt guilty as heck upon awakening. The stress iscausing my self-harm urges to increase. I have not cut in a long time but I feel I am on the brink of losing that streak. If I do not do things, hubby just makes the kids do it and they do not do it well and then they resent me. It is not like he does nothing. I mean today I came home and he had to show me how he straightened the laundry room and the freezer. Pardon me for not being impressed. How about fixing the toilet that we have had the parts for for months??? And God is his authority. He is the pastor of an independent church so there is noone to go to to ask for help. I love him. I just don't feel very valued.