Amazon mom, hon, it sounds like you're feeling the disease. Don't let it get you down, dear. You have been doing an amazing job and I have always admired you. I think we all feel worried about our kids, how our problems will affect them, when we rant or lash out, how we might hurt them, when they get older, how will they react to us. I think that's normal and to an extent, that's good. It shows you care and you will make sure you take care of yourself to take care of her. That's important. You are a good mom. You were from before the start. Remember that.

Don't let your hubby and his reactions keep you away from what you need. If you feel you want to go to church, do it, even if it's kind of scary at first. If it's something else you want, go for it. I let my self get too shut up here in Sweden waiting for my hubby to help me get more integrated, and it was not a good idea. I just got more afraid and dysfunctional and dependent on him. Being dependent on him wasn't fair to either of us. It made me weak and overtaxed him.
Good luck wonderful mom! HUGGGGGS, and know that this will start to get better when you settle into a better med pattern and your hubby gets back on his feet work wise.