I'm often wondering, maybe foolishly, what is and is not within my control, as factors in my suffering. There are times when I think that I invent most of my problems through habitual thinking patterns and deeply ingrained negative beliefs about myself and my life, that I'm helpless, hopeless, undeserving of love, money, satisfying work, etc. If I keep repeating these mantras, then I keep getting more scarcity. But, it's enormously hard to change my beliefs after 55 years. BUT then I think, THAT is another story I tell myself. Then, there's the neurochemical component (unchanged by any drug I've tried). I spend way too much time in this unproductive obsessive loop.