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time0 said:
For me rejection is the worst part of APD. Some people can say: " Well if this person doesn't accept me it is her lost not mine." and will keep moving on and even forget about it. But I don't.

I know. Been there Time. My answer was to walk away from whoever rejected me. Hey, did this to my mother as I am 2000 miles + away from her. And Haven't seen her face to face for 8 years or so. This sort of reaction to rejection kinda keeps your circle of friends at a minimum.
I don't want pity here I'm just saying it as it is for me. Rejection always stab me like a sword and it always takes me a long time to recover from it. I never do recover from it completely as it leaves a scar that never do heal.

I can keep on telling myself that I cannot please everyone and some people will not accept me and they will reject me and this happens to everyone and it's ok.

But "it is not ok for me".

I really have to fight with myself to not shut everyone out. To not feel like trash. To not feel I'm not worth it. To not feel I just bother. To not feel that people are rejecting me because I'm only s**t. To not isolate.

Rejection hurt me so much. I know it is because I was rejected as a child. I just can't deal with it. I have such a hard time with this one.

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I haven't posted in a few weeks since I've been busy, but I want to share something with you about the rejection issue. I had it bad, real bad with my husband. It was horrible throughout our marriage together over the years, and for my supposed self-protection, I split him. Tolerate, but distanced myself emotionally to stop from being hurt. I did this for 5 years, really, 5 years. When I had this incident in February, I opened myself up to him, just in time to keep him from giving up on me totally, but I was back to the same person as before. Jealous, easily hurt, offended, etc., and the fighting began again. The voices were back, the pain, the emptiness was being felt at times, and I began searching. You know some of what I've written about, and I admit I've had some setbacks at times. But I've had several instances of enlightenment too. I think though instead of telling you here, I should start a thread so others may see what happened and not have it get lost in a thread. Because what happened to me, is what happens to us all when we take on the feelings of rejection.

It may take me a day or so to get it on the board, as I have taken up my art again, and I need some time to think about the words to use for you.