Just need to vent... so frustrated that everyone who promised to help me has disappeared. They're all "thinking of me all the time" but can't return my calls or visit when they promise. no family of course either, i;m on my own emotionally, financially, physically...

I can't stand being here for days at a time with no human contact. I can't get out much but I've been going to support groups twice a week. tomorrow is my first visit with new doctor.

with the holidays it all feels so much worse, no one to share anything with. but when the holidays are over its not going to be any better because i'm going to feel like last year, missing yet another holiday season.

if i can survive this depression what am i going to do once i'm free of it? there's no one that i even want to be around anymore, don't trust anyone anymore, don't care about anyone anymore. whatever comes out of the fog if i survive this sure as hell won't be me. don't want to find new friends just be be screwed by a new set of people. couldn't even get out enough even if i wanted to. maybe i can find new friends in the gunk under my fridge. but i can't bend down very well anymore either so they'll have to come out and find me.

going to try to get some sleep so i can get up early for the doctor.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
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