I probably don't make more than one or two social phone calls a week if that much. I feel lonely a lot. I often have a thought that I'm cold, standoffish, an outsider, while everyone else is friendly, spontaneous, loving, with easy intimacy in their lives. It makes no sense because when I have an opportunity to be sociable, it's pleasurable and I come across warmly. Still, I hesitate to reach out, to initiate contact, unless someone offers it first. I always think, "Well, they already have friends they feel close to. I'm just a newcomer". It's anxiety and low self-esteem talking. It's so frustrating that I can't get rid of it. I hate being single and alone so much. It's all in my head that I wouldn't be welcome.