All I did tonight was read a post from my friend LadyDragus, then tears welled up in my eyes. Then I heard my stupid freakin bf watching some porn on tv...that made it worse. I could feel my body get so tight and hot...my face felt like it was on fire. Now for some reason that I do not know I want to cut so badly. I hate fighting it anymore...ok I'll stop that talk. But I don't even know what I'm thinking. I am just FEELING. Feeling what, I do not know. Jealousy, hurt, yearning, etc. Hell, for all I know I could be wanting something else, something more than anyone could ever give me.

Am I enough for any man? Am I enough for the stupid man that sits in the livingroom? Well, if he has to watch porn I am definitely not! And what about my friend? Why would I cry over her post? I don't understand what is going on with me tonight. I'm not wanting to end it all, and I'm not feeling enraged. I just feel.

I can't seem to put a finger on what I am even feeling! How freakin crazy is that?