I've always been the type of person who cries easily - when I'm happy or sad. I think it's partly from my Celtic heritage. However, when my illness surfaces in a more severe episode, constant crying is one of the first indicators, then when the meds begin to take hold, the crying decreases and pretty much gets back to "my norm."

I'm having good results thus far from my new med, Lamictal. End of second week of slowly ramping up and can feel a real lift to my mood and desires to "be in the world again" - even for short periods of time.

Which brings me to yesterday - I did more in one day than I have in a long time. One of my close friends was graduating with her B.A. I attended the ceremony and the pizza party afterwards. That afternoon I went to the mall to buy a gift for her.

Since the mall is very close to the theatres that are showing The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and th Wardrobe ~and~ it was opening day, I decided to go to the movie first before heading over to the mall.

While in the shower preparing for my day, I went into a crying jag thinking of my 20-year-old cat, Morris, that I had to put to sleep on 9/23/05. I had run out of Ativan and wouldn't be picking up my refill until later that day. I pulled myself together and headed to the movie.

The movie was wonderful, but in one particular scene, it affected me emotionally and the "waterworks" began again. Really glad I was there by myself in a dark theatre as I cried and cried and had trouble stopping.

Went to my friend's graduation ceremony in the evening, then met her and a group of her family and friends for the celebration afterwards.

Sidenote: I was briefly engaged earlier this year - which turned out disastrously. My friend actually introduced us, thinking we had soooo much in common. I resisted meeting him for 9 months as this time last year, I felt better with my life in and happier and more stable than I had been in years. Finally I agreed that Paul could come to one of my church services if he wanted to meet me.

I was intrigued with his intelligence and his enjoyment of debating the finer theological points of our faith. He asked me to marry him after only knowing him 6 weeks. As another month went by I began to see things that didn't quite add up and advised that until we worked on some pretty major issues, I couldn't set a wedding date. In a series of emails, he showed his true colors and spewed venom at me (at one point calling me the antichrist!!!) This of course was shocking to me to say the least and very disappoinging.

I knew the woman Paul dated prior to me (who is a very good friend of "the graduate") would be at the party. I had seen photos of her but was interested in seeing her "in person." Based on the photos I had seen of her (2 years in the past max) I was surprised to see that she looked significantly older. My friend says she is BiPolar and can have a "prickly" personality. I saw that exhibited quickly at the dinner, although she has a steady boyfriend who was at her side.

During the party, I mentioned I had seen
The Chronicles of Narnia that afternoon. The whole group asked how it was, many of which had read the book. In describing the majesty of the movie, I went into weepy spell #3 for the day, due to a very emotional scene in the movie.

Later on, a new arrival to the party (spunky blonde female) arrived and sat next to me. When she heard my name she said "Oh YOU'RE the one who was engaged to Paul." Then went on to say that she didn't appreciate the fact that right after "he" brok up with my friend's friend (although the story I heard was SHE broke off with him) that he immediately began dating me/got engaged to me; as soon as we broke up, the blonde said he called HER! She turned him down, not liking his jumping from woman to woman.

As I was talking to my friend later in the evening, she apologized again that she had set me up with a kook. I began thinking of my former husband and that, compared to this guy, my husband looked good and if I knew years ago what I know now, perhaps I would not have divorced him - although I believe marriage is for life and did NOT go through the divorce lightly. While I was discussing that with my friend ~ANOTHER~ weeping spell began...in the midst of the party.

Soooooo...the lesson I learned from this is to keep some Ativan with me at all times. That always takes the "edge" off my emotions and let me see things more calmly.

Anyone have any similar experiences with crying when you wished you didn't (especially in public)...and what has worked?