I don't want to have to need my meds. I want off of them even though I know logically how much they help. We're human, it happens. Having similar stories as above in going off of them when the urge struck with disasterous results, someone once mentioned writing down what happens when I go off of them in FULL detail: with symptoms; effects to my body and life, work, and relationships; then the consequences (perhaps housebound, hospitalization, or end of life, etc.) and what this will mean to me and others; and then doc's, T's, and/or friends' numbers at the bottom that you can call if the urge strikes again. Then putting it somewhere you can reference or posting them: side of the fridge, bathroom mirror, drawer, carry it with you, etc. that you can refer back to when the urge strikes to go off them.

This reminder has saved me more times than I can count and I no longer need to read it now. Perhaps this will help. However, I doubt wishing that I didn't need them will ever go away.