No...it's like wishing that I could go instead. What do I have to live for? Not much. I have my girls (which is my main motivation to stay) but they are considerably closer to their daddy. I'm sure that my death wouldn't be incredibly devastating to anyone.

These other people bring so much happiness and peace to so many people all over the world. Ya know? Maybe it's wishing that I could be that loved by others. Maybe that's it.