Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark_Dreams
I want to remember as far back as I can since I know so much happened when I was younger and it is important for me to understand it? Why is it important? I can't really explain that. Maybe I wonder if I ever had something seemingly normal. Maybe I just need to know why I have some of the anxieties and such that I do. I do not remember much before about 14. That which I remember between 14 and 20 or so involves huge amount of alsohol and other mood altering substances so those memories are kind of wacked out anyway. After 20, for the most part I am ok.
Of my young childhood, say 10 and under, I have only a hanfull of memories and many of those are full of holes. Also, some of the memories I have from that age I wonder if they are my memories or my creation of the memories based on what may have been told to me.
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Dark_Dreams,
I have always had a very spotty memory (to put it mildly). There are a lot of reasons this may occur.
1.) Poor memories tend to run in families ~ for unknown reasons.
2.) Most people typically cannot recall much of life before mid-childhood. Little snippets here and there are there before middle, but not real reliable.
3.) Traumatic experiences often affect memories surrounding those times
4.) Brain injuries often occur in childhood, which can effect general memory abilities.
All four are reasons for my very poor memory. My father has a very poor memory, and always has, despite a reasonably happy & healthy childhood. I have been through several traumatic events throughout early, mid, and late childhood. The result is me recalling itty bitty things ~ mostly negative memories. I can recall a few positives, but definitely have a tendency to focus on the negative & forget positives! Lastly, I began having seizures as a young child. My seizures went untreated for twenty years before I was finally tested and diagnosed with temporal lobe epilepsy. By then, the effects were significant.
Alcohol and drugs are known to dramatically slow growth of the brain, which also effects our memories and personality. It's possible that alcohol and drugs were introduced to your life earlier than you recall. Unfortunately, not particularly uncommon for older generations. Say age 30+. I grew up in that atmosphere as well ~ my aunt and uncles began regularly drinking and smoking pot with me when I was just a little girl. Age 10. Before that, they simply blew the smoke into my face.
Hope that helps explain your situation. I always strived to recall my memories too. Not sure that I would choose the do it again. Now I know why I stuffed them inside for so long. They're dark and depressing.
If I could have avoided some of those experiences by recalling earlier, then it would be worth it though.