I want to say several things. Fear not however. I will not be saying anything too bluntly.

First, I can only imagine how hard this is on you. He is your son and I pretty much figure by what you have said that he means a great deal to you and you want what is best for him.

Second, your son is 12. Anything that he says really needs to be taken with a grain of salt. If you can get him to say anything to you, you are doing pretty good. If the only thing he tells you in an email is that he made some high schore and that sort of thing, accept it. At that age, they are self centered. There is nothing else that matters in their world than what they can do. Also, it seems to me that you two have not had a chance to spend a great deal of quality time together. if this is the case, he may be uncomfortable talking to you about anything deeper right now. He may very well just be trying to feel out where this relationship is going. He is a kid still and needs to learn just as much as the rest of us.

Third, for a moment try to put yourself in his shoes and imagine what he may have felt when you told him you would never see him or speak to him and then f..k off? The way I read this, his mother got the email before he did but that sounds very hurtful to anyone especially a 12 year old boy who may very well be trying to hold onto whatever relationship he can have with his fath.

Finally, you say breaking off contact was for his own good. Did he express this to you? Did he tell you that he never wanted to hear from you again? The pain a child feels when a parent says they will never talk to you again is unimaginable. And as a child he does not have the ability to tell you how hurtful that kind of thing is. A child who is told such a thing will allow their imagination to run amok and imagine that they did something so horrible that they are unlovable. By saying you will never talk to him again, you have in a sense rejected him.

I know you do not want to hurt him. I know you want to do what is best for him and if he tells you that he really doesn't want anything to do with you then you can respect that. Observe from a distance. Love him from a distance if he wishes. However, you cannot just stop loving him. Even if he chooses not to talk to you, you need to let him know that he is valued no matter what. Tell him you love him even if he doesn't want to talk to you.

He is your son. He is a part of you. He deserves to have his father in his life as much as you deserve to have your son in yours