i don't think your options are between trying to control your partner and just acceptance of whatever they do. i think setting boundaries is what is in the middle between those two extremes and the way to go. it's true you can't change others but that absolutely doesn't mean they get to just do whatever and you have to accept it. you might want to check out writings on co-dependency, boundaries, or the 12-step program co-dependents anonymous. there is a lot of ground between controlling others and just accepting whatever comes your way. good luck.