Quote:
Originally Posted by blueoctober
I'm a bit confused. Has your wife been in a full blown manic episode since you've met her? If that isn't the case and you have been with her for a length of time she will not be in a bipolar episode continuously. When unmedicated the episodes can last longer for some, but for some of us (myself included) there are times of stability, depression and hypomania. They can all be at varying degrees, but I have always been able to feel love for someone (prior to being diagnosed and now diagnosed and on medication). For me being on medication has made the episodes even shorter and less severe.
I would suggest seeing a therapist. You have gone through a traumatic episode and may benefit from speaking to a mental health professional about it. The therapist may also have some suggestions on how you can support your wife while still maintaining boundaries.
|
Yes she has been in full blown manic episodes before. I realize that a large part of the problem is me. I tried really hard to accept responsibility for the things she has done. I have been guilty of enabling her to continue.
There have been some really drastic cases of mania. One time, she left me in a hotel room 1,500 miles from home, without a wallet or any money. She actually made me believe that she did it for me. I remember her telling me afterwards that I needed to get over my first wifes death. I bought the explination and started doing a lot of reading about PTSD. I even went to a counselor and did so for several months.
She too was in therapy but, she denied her illness. Every time there was a manic blow up she pointed the finger at me. She was really good at playing hide and seek and making me believe that I was the cause of her episodes. I guess, in a way, I just couldn't risk the idea that I was part of the cause.
As time went on, I learned much more about her. She is the most loveable person I ever met until the mania sets in. Then its every man for themself and God help the one that her focus is on. It hasn't always been me.
Her family is very small, both parents are dead, one of her two brothers is dead and the other is OCD. She has another brother who fled the US and lives somewhere in Costa Rica. Both of her kids are suffering. Her daughter has been in and out of institutions for some time now. Her son, is also showing all the signs of the illness.
Her support group consist of people who are also in denial about their illness.
I have been with her for just over three years. I can't count the number of times she went into uncontrollable mania. I tried my best to blame it on her self medicating. I am not innocent here. I knew something was wrong, I chose to address the thinkable rather than the unthinkable.
There does not seem to be any kind of answer available. I can't talk to her and she has made no effort to contact me. I see a counselor on Tuesday, mean while, I have legal aide tomorrow. All they want to do is file for divorce for me. I guess no body understands that I love her and don't want to lose her.
Maybe I have a serious problem. To endure what I have to be with this women is crazy. But, for some reason, I just can't get enough and just don't want to stop trying. The biggest obstacle is her delusional state. I can only think of a couple of times when she actually acknowledged that something was wrong.
What would you tell a 52 year old unemployed guy who is madly in love with a mentally ill person. What advice could you offer me. I have lost all I have and I really don't feel motivated to do anything about it. I guess that is depression.