I decided I'm going to start keeping a Mood Diary to figure out what is going on with my emotions. Has anyone else tried this and did it help? I'm a 40 year old single woman and my mood swings and emotion changes are out of control and starting to scare me. Yesterday I had the day off work so you'd think I would be happy right? Wrong... I woke up angry and it got worse and worse all morning. I was angry for no reason... yelling at the dogs, throwing things, punching doors, etc. I went out to run some errands and was driving like a maniac, screaming and swearing and giving people the finger. I was horribly impatient and nobody could drive fast enough to satisfy me. I was screaming "I wish I was dead! Why does my life have to be like this every day?" and literally foaming at the mouth and hyperventilating.

I HATE when I feel like this. I know what I'm doing, I know it's wrong, and I know it's completely ridiculous and unreasonable. I do know that I would NEVER harm anyone I love or hurt my dogs. But to see me angry, you'd think I was crazy and should be shot with a tazer and wrapped up in a straitjacket. I've actually gotten out of the car and gone after people for 'road rage' type things.. they were men and when they realized I was a large angry woman they freaked out and took off! I've been told by a few people that I am "terrifying" when I'm angry and they are scared to be near me. They know I would never hurt them though...

So after the wave of anger is over, I actually feel it lift off of me... almost as if I could see it. I'm washed out and exhausted afterwards, but all the tension has released from my body. Then I get terribly sad and depressed, and feel ridiculous for the way I was just acting. I actually apologized to my dogs yesterday... I gave them lots of love and said "Sorry mommy was so mean!" My dogs are my life and are like my children. I don't know what I would do without them.

So anyway, I need to know if these horrible "anger days" are random or if there is some sort of pattern. I'm about to turn 40 and am concerned I might be starting early menopause or something. Is it terrible PMS? Or is it some sort of chemical imbalance? I already take Xanax and that helps control the anger, but I wonder if I need antidepressants too.

I have always dealt with obesity, depression, and self esteem issues since I was a child.. However on top of that, I have had an extreme amount of stress for the past 4 years. That seems to be when this horrible anger started getting really bad. My parents had life threatening illnesses where we spent weeks in hospitals, I had major surgery, lost my job, started a new job I HATE, quit smoking, had some other minor health issues, and broke up with my fiancee after living together for 5 years. Now I'm lonely, have no friends or social life of any kind, struggling financially, and my job is making me even more miserable. I started having horrible panic attacks after all of this and my doctor put me on low dose Xanax... I've never had another panic attack. But I'm still very nervous and neurotic, constantly worry, bite my nails, shake my leg, pace, etc. Mostly for no reason at all...

What concerns me the most is that one minute I'll be having an anger tantrum, then the next minute I'm laughing hysterically at a funny picture on the internet or something on TV. Then there's days where I'm so depressed I will literally just stare at the walls for an hour and cry.

I'm hoping that after a month or two of logging my emotions that I can find some sort of pattern and figure out this mess.